I find myself reflected in some of Eddie Huang's writing. It's so hard to find myself reflected in mainstream media, something I'm sure so many children of immigrants understand.
Double Cup Love is Eddie's journey to China with his brothers. Following the success of his restaurant Baohaus, his Vice show and first book Fresh Off The Boat, he wanted to see if his food expertise will hold up to Chinese palettes. He wanted to see whether his success would've been possible if he was born in the Motherland instead of America. Simultaneously, he also addressed the question of dating someone who wasn't Asian, and if it was possible to still reach some kind of mutual cultural understanding.
I think Double Cup Love will be mandatory reading for any serious future boyfriends and potential life partners. (I'm assuming that most of these guys will be Caucasian if history proves to repeat itself.)
There are two major points that I think he addresses in the book that really hit home for me:
- Time and time again, I've thought to myself that if I was not born and raised in Canada, I would not be as lucky as I am. I would not have been given the opportunities I've had. I think there are people out there who are smarter, more creative and more hardworking. But simply through the luck of the draw, I am here and I can do all this. I have so much at my disposable, so many resources to draw help and inspiration from. That is luck more than skill. I am deeply thankful and so humbled by this.
One quote that really struck a chord from the book: "We are both Chinese, but so much in between, so much changed because you were born in America. I have lots of things I want to do. I have dreams, too, but I will never get to see them happen because I am born here with the parents I have." - Growing up in Toronto, I've always been exposed to so many different cultures. Within a 30-minute walk, it is possible to pass through neighbourhoods that span continents. That's incredible. Because of this, it has never occurred to me that other cultures can be daunting or scary. People and their stories are so rich and so fascinating. People are the best stories in themselves.
As I grow older though, it has become more of a concern when I date. Is it possible to grow at the same pace as someone else over a lifetime? Is it possible to meet at one intersection, travel together and stay travelling together? How do we come to meet at that one intersection in the first place? How does it work when we start off at such different points?
The reality is that my dating history is mostly white. Parts of it are even stark white, bleached two or three times over.
I am the child of two Chinese immigrants. I am the first in my family to get a university education. And although it is not a thought that comes to mind often, English is not my first language. My parents are still not fluent English speakers. I still go with them to medical appointments to translate. This is a part of my history that I've never shied from. I am immensely proud of my parents who courageously came to a country they didn't understand, to build a life from scratch. The immigrant story is a powerful story.
How do I translate this experience to someone who has a wholly different one? How do I understand their experience? How do I communicate the vulnerabilities, insecurities and prideful moments that come out of my history and existence? How do I understand the vulnerabilities, insecurities and pride that arises from another existence? How do we develop a mutual understanding and carve a new path? Where do we find the acceptance in all of this?
These are questions I ask myself every time I date; every time there is ambiguity resulting out of a difference in (cultural) understanding. I know these will be questions I ask when I decide I've found my person. Eddie does a great job encapsulating these questions. (Spoiler alert: he figures out how to appropriately address these questions. He works through them, finds out what's important to him. It works out for him - kinda.)
