AS A MAN, YOUR TIME IS NOT MORE VALUABLE THAN MINE.
YOUR TIME IS NOT MORE WORTHWHILE THAN MY OWN. YOU DO NOT DESERVE MORE. YOU DO NOT ASK FOR MORE. YOU DO NOT GET TO TAKE MORE. YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED TO MORE. YOU DO NOT GET TO DEMAND MORE OF MY TIME, MORE OF MY ATTENTION, MORE OF MY GOODWILL. YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED TO START FIRST, END FIRST, FIRST PLACE, OR TO TAKE LONGER. YOU ARE NOT MORE WORTHWHILE. YOU ARE NOT BETTER. YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED TO MORE. YOU ARE NOT A BETTER PERSON THAN ME FOR BEING A MAN.
REPEAT AFTER ME: YOUR TIME IS NOT MORE VALUABLE THAN MY TIME. YOU ARE NOT INTRINSICALLY MORE WORTHWHILE THAN I AM. YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO TAKE UP MORE OF MY TIME. YOU DO NOT GET TO TAKE MY TIME, MY CARE, MY ENERGY, MY ATTENTION.
REPEAT AFTER ME: YOU DO NOT GET TO LAUGH WHEN I GET ANGRY ABOUT YOU. YOU DO NOT GET TO ASK WHY AM I MAD. YOU DO NOT GET TO SAY I AM OVERREACTING. YOU DO NOT GET TO SAY I NEED TO RELAX. YOU DO NOT GET TO SAY I AM JUST BEING EMOTIONAL. YOU DO NOT GET TO TRIVIALIZE ME. YOU DO NOT GET TO LAUGH. YOU DO NOT GET TO BRUSH THIS ASIDE AS MY OVERREACTION, MY TIME OF THE MONTH, MY IRRATIONAL EMOTIONS.
MY TIME IS NOT LESS VALUABLE. MY TIME IS NOT LESS IMPORTANT. MY TIME IS NOT TRIVIAL. I AM WORTHWHILE. I AM VALUABLE. I HAVE VALUABLE INPUT. I HAVE VALUABLE AND IMPORTANT OPINIONS AND IDEAS. I AM NOT SMALL. I AM NOT TO BE LAUGHED AT. I WILL NOT BE COMPLIANT. I WILL NOT SIT DOWN. I WILL NOT BACK DOWN. I WILL NOT MAKE MYSELF SMALL. I WILL NOT QUIET MY ANGER. I WILL NOT MAKE MYSELF MORE PLEASANT FOR CONSUMPTION, FOR ENTRAPMENT. IT IS NOT THAT I AM A WOMAN AND YOU WILL HEAR ME ROAR. I AM A WOMAN AND YOU WILL KNOW I AM HERE. YOU WILL ACKNOWLEDGE MY EXISTENCE. YOU WILL RESPECT MY EXISTENCE. YOU WILL RESPECT MY TIME.
YOU WILL RESPECT MY TIME.
Thursday, April 12, 2018
Monday, April 2, 2018
March Routine
I haven't been in a great space mentally and emotionally. I am a black cloud more often than I would like. With this in mind, I'm not sure I can say that there are 'favourites'. There are routines that make me feel better though. Here they are.
KeepCup and picking up coffee at Capital, etc. In last month's favourites, I talked about getting my KeepCup and how much I loved it. Because I purchased it at the end of the month, it became more of a routine thing this month. I have been trying to stay mindful and bring around with me. I try to make a note not to buy coffee when I don't have it. So far, I have only used 2 paper cups in the month and a bit I've had my KeepCup. Once, on my first date with Spencer and even though we were seated at the cafe, we weren't offered for here cups. The second time I had forgotten my KeepCup at home but I still wanted a treat after work. Not bad though for a month and change!
Working on the couch to music. I have gotten really sick and tired of working in my room. My room is small and my one friend once told me, it's distracting. I either work at my desk or bed. The bed is terrible because I just fall asleep. Sometimes the desk just doesn't inspire productivity. Instead, I am easily distracted by all the things I have in my room. Working on the couch or at the dinner table has been really good for this. The change of scenery - even if only moving from my room to the living room - has really helped. My go-to playlist while working has also been the Coffee Table Jazz playlist on Spotify.
Goldfish crackers. My mom on a recent trip to Costco bought a big box of snack-pack Goldfish crackers. I claimed them. I love the convenience of these. It's just easy and simple to throw into my bag for school or work. For me, my productivity lives and dies with my hunger. These have also become such a routine that Suzie, one of my wonderful classmates, bought me whole wheat Goldfish crackers that she saw on sale!
KeepCup and picking up coffee at Capital, etc. In last month's favourites, I talked about getting my KeepCup and how much I loved it. Because I purchased it at the end of the month, it became more of a routine thing this month. I have been trying to stay mindful and bring around with me. I try to make a note not to buy coffee when I don't have it. So far, I have only used 2 paper cups in the month and a bit I've had my KeepCup. Once, on my first date with Spencer and even though we were seated at the cafe, we weren't offered for here cups. The second time I had forgotten my KeepCup at home but I still wanted a treat after work. Not bad though for a month and change!
Working on the couch to music. I have gotten really sick and tired of working in my room. My room is small and my one friend once told me, it's distracting. I either work at my desk or bed. The bed is terrible because I just fall asleep. Sometimes the desk just doesn't inspire productivity. Instead, I am easily distracted by all the things I have in my room. Working on the couch or at the dinner table has been really good for this. The change of scenery - even if only moving from my room to the living room - has really helped. My go-to playlist while working has also been the Coffee Table Jazz playlist on Spotify.
Goldfish crackers. My mom on a recent trip to Costco bought a big box of snack-pack Goldfish crackers. I claimed them. I love the convenience of these. It's just easy and simple to throw into my bag for school or work. For me, my productivity lives and dies with my hunger. These have also become such a routine that Suzie, one of my wonderful classmates, bought me whole wheat Goldfish crackers that she saw on sale!
Friday, March 30, 2018
Monday, March 26, 2018
First Date Experience: Spencer
Reviving an old series on this blog, I wanted to talk more about my dating life. This series has gotten lost but it was an exercise I always found interesting. So, here we are again.
Time: 21:27 the next day
Situation: Tinder date with a Queen's alum that I didn't want to leave
Feeling: really good, smitten
What happened?: We don't talk much before we decide to meet. By that, I mean we don't talk at all. I tell him at some point during the date that this is strange for me. I almost never say yes in these situations. I tell him I think he's vetted because we both went to Queen's, and with everything, Queen's will always hold a special place in my heart.
We are originally supposed to meet at 3pm. He changes it and we meet at 6pm instead. I am hesitant to meet. I almost decided to not go. Say I am not feeling well, and bail. I had work at 6 in the morning. I am tired. I could be doing something else more productive. There are always so many excuses when you put your mind to it. I go, we meet. I think we hit it off.
The coffee shop he suggested is closed, so we walk and I bring him to a coffee shop I go to regularly. He gets an Americano, I get a chai latte. It's 6pm and I tell him I cannot have coffee so late in the day. We spend about an hour at Dark Horse. The coffee shop closes, he asks if I want to go for a drink. We walk over to the Friar, we get drinks here for a few hours. We drink slowly and steadily, but not a lot. After a few hours here, I ask if he wants to get some food. We decide on pho. It turns out neither of us is hungry; we just didn't want to stop talking. We didn't want to say goodbye. Or at least, I didn't want to say goodbye. He kisses me good night and I ask for his phone number.
I haven't had a date go so well in a while. I was so interested in all he had to say. He made me smile and laugh. I made him smile and laugh. It felt so easy. We were never short of something to talk about. His love and knowledge of Friends match my own. He knew every reference I made - including the gestures. I am smitten. I feel like I have met someone on the same wavelength as me. I told him one of my favourite films is Oldboy and he joked that he was in love with me. Everything I said didn't feel calculated. It was every jumbled and long-winded thought, and it was all accepted. He listened to everything I say. I do not have a moment where I do not feel validated or important. This is new for me.
I think we talk about a lot. We talk about all the things we're not really supposed to talk about, but everything is OK. We talk about our experience at Queen's. We talk about our parents and what they do. We talk about his ambitions, my interests. We talk about his job, movies, TV shows. We talk about politics and religion. We make so many jokes. We get to know each other. All of it is good. All of it is so good. It is a night of conversation that leaves me feeling full.
We have another date tomorrow night. We're going to watch the Shape of Water in the evening. I'm really excited. I want to see how this will go. I hope it goes well. I had so much fun with him, and it was all just talking. I felt so much like myself. I felt like a better version of myself. I felt so light and happy. He made me smile. Thinking of it, makes me smile. I am the smitten kitten.
Time: 21:27 the next day
Situation: Tinder date with a Queen's alum that I didn't want to leave
Feeling: really good, smitten
What happened?: We don't talk much before we decide to meet. By that, I mean we don't talk at all. I tell him at some point during the date that this is strange for me. I almost never say yes in these situations. I tell him I think he's vetted because we both went to Queen's, and with everything, Queen's will always hold a special place in my heart.
We are originally supposed to meet at 3pm. He changes it and we meet at 6pm instead. I am hesitant to meet. I almost decided to not go. Say I am not feeling well, and bail. I had work at 6 in the morning. I am tired. I could be doing something else more productive. There are always so many excuses when you put your mind to it. I go, we meet. I think we hit it off.
The coffee shop he suggested is closed, so we walk and I bring him to a coffee shop I go to regularly. He gets an Americano, I get a chai latte. It's 6pm and I tell him I cannot have coffee so late in the day. We spend about an hour at Dark Horse. The coffee shop closes, he asks if I want to go for a drink. We walk over to the Friar, we get drinks here for a few hours. We drink slowly and steadily, but not a lot. After a few hours here, I ask if he wants to get some food. We decide on pho. It turns out neither of us is hungry; we just didn't want to stop talking. We didn't want to say goodbye. Or at least, I didn't want to say goodbye. He kisses me good night and I ask for his phone number.
I haven't had a date go so well in a while. I was so interested in all he had to say. He made me smile and laugh. I made him smile and laugh. It felt so easy. We were never short of something to talk about. His love and knowledge of Friends match my own. He knew every reference I made - including the gestures. I am smitten. I feel like I have met someone on the same wavelength as me. I told him one of my favourite films is Oldboy and he joked that he was in love with me. Everything I said didn't feel calculated. It was every jumbled and long-winded thought, and it was all accepted. He listened to everything I say. I do not have a moment where I do not feel validated or important. This is new for me.
I think we talk about a lot. We talk about all the things we're not really supposed to talk about, but everything is OK. We talk about our experience at Queen's. We talk about our parents and what they do. We talk about his ambitions, my interests. We talk about his job, movies, TV shows. We talk about politics and religion. We make so many jokes. We get to know each other. All of it is good. All of it is so good. It is a night of conversation that leaves me feeling full.
We have another date tomorrow night. We're going to watch the Shape of Water in the evening. I'm really excited. I want to see how this will go. I hope it goes well. I had so much fun with him, and it was all just talking. I felt so much like myself. I felt like a better version of myself. I felt so light and happy. He made me smile. Thinking of it, makes me smile. I am the smitten kitten.
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