First Date Experience: Spencer

Reviving an old series on this blog, I wanted to talk more about my dating life. This series has gotten lost but it was an exercise I always found interesting. So, here we are again. 

Time: 21:27 the next day

Situation: Tinder date with a Queen's alum that I didn't want to leave

Feeling: really good, smitten

What happened?: We don't talk much before we decide to meet. By that, I mean we don't talk at all. I tell him at some point during the date that this is strange for me. I almost never say yes in these situations. I tell him I think he's vetted because we both went to Queen's, and with everything, Queen's will always hold a special place in my heart.

We are originally supposed to meet at 3pm. He changes it and we meet at 6pm instead. I am hesitant to meet. I almost decided to not go. Say I am not feeling well, and bail. I had work at 6 in the morning. I am tired. I could be doing something else more productive. There are always so many excuses when you put your mind to it. I go, we meet. I think we hit it off.

The coffee shop he suggested is closed, so we walk and I bring him to a coffee shop I go to regularly. He gets an Americano, I get a chai latte. It's 6pm and I tell him I cannot have coffee so late in the day. We spend about an hour at Dark Horse. The coffee shop closes, he asks if I want to go for a drink. We walk over to the Friar, we get drinks here for a few hours. We drink slowly and steadily, but not a lot. After a few hours here, I ask if he wants to get some food. We decide on pho. It turns out neither of us is hungry; we just didn't want to stop talking. We didn't want to say goodbye. Or at least, I didn't want to say goodbye. He kisses me good night and I ask for his phone number.

I haven't had a date go so well in a while. I was so interested in all he had to say. He made me smile and laugh. I made him smile and laugh. It felt so easy. We were never short of something to talk about. His love and knowledge of Friends match my own. He knew every reference I made - including the gestures. I am smitten. I feel like I have met someone on the same wavelength as me. I told him one of my favourite films is Oldboy and he joked that he was in love with me. Everything I said didn't feel calculated. It was every jumbled and long-winded thought, and it was all accepted. He listened to everything I say. I do not have a moment where I do not feel validated or important. This is new for me.

I think we talk about a lot. We talk about all the things we're not really supposed to talk about, but everything is OK. We talk about our experience at Queen's. We talk about our parents and what they do. We talk about his ambitions, my interests. We talk about his job, movies, TV shows. We talk about politics and religion. We make so many jokes. We get to know each other. All of it is good. All of it is so good. It is a night of conversation that leaves me feeling full.

We have another date tomorrow night. We're going to watch the Shape of Water in the evening. I'm really excited. I want to see how this will go. I hope it goes well. I had so much fun with him, and it was all just talking. I felt so much like myself. I felt like a better version of myself. I felt so light and happy. He made me smile. Thinking of it, makes me smile. I am the smitten kitten.

First Date Experience: Stewart

I'm starting a new series about the first dates I go on. The goal is to do a quick assessment of how the date went, as quickly as possible after the date. What happened, how I felt after, what we talked about, details about him. How we actually met, etc. It is in hopes of better understanding the people I meet, the patterns I fall into. A better log of my dating life.

Time: 00:09

Situation: Tinder date

Feeling: Insecure

What happened?: We meet around 8:40pm. He is ten minutes late. We switch from our original bar arcade idea to a quieter bar where I know the bouncer. We order two pitchers. The first pitcher is Creemore ("Creamore") and the second, Mill St. Tankhouse. We talk about our siblings. I tell him about my precarious relationship with my sister. He tells me he's the middle of three brothers, with their age defined by the numbers of tattoos each has. His birthday is March 10th. His parents got real busy in July. I tell him about past Chinese political history and he tells me more about Brexit. We discuss our parents. His are Scottish immigrants. Mine are Chinese. We talk about Humber College, where he went, where I recently applied. I tell him about my tattoo experience and how sick I got. He says he owns a tattoo gun, and does some tattoo work himself. He talks about his roommates and his friends.

I think we have a good date, but around 10pm, he suddenly tells me his roommate with the nearly dead grandmother, now has a dead grandmother and he has to go console his roommate. I don't know if I should be hurt. He settles the bill. He mentions that I can get it next time. We walk out. I can't remember if there's a hug or not. He says he had a nice time. I can't remember if he suggests another date. He walks off. I go back inside because I ran into a friend while I was in the toilet.

It's the next day. At 00:30, I text him telling him I came home safely. He never responds. I spend Sunday more or less unsure of the date. Unsure whether I will ever see him again.

I think I'm nice during the date. I talk about the things I'm passionate about. I am honest and I am myself. I let parts of my vulnerability and insecurity slip through, but I don't think it's overbearing. I describe the experience to my best friend as meeting and talking to someone at a friend's party. There are pockets where it's a little awkward, but not unbearably so. At least, I don't think so. Maybe he does. I'm not sure if I'll ever hear from him again.