In Memory Of, part II

Yesterday was move in day at Queen's University. Four years ago, my parents drove three hours from Toronto to Kingston to help me do the same day. This September is the first I won't be returning to Queen's. This year is the first year since maybe when I was three years old that I won't be returning to school. It's a strange feeling. I catch myself missing school - and not just seeing my friends, but also the education and learning aspects of it. 

I was going through old photos from my first year. I looked different, we all did. I believed in different things and I made decisions in a different way. I knew less, but maybe in some ways, I also knew more. There was more innocence, more naiveté, and more willingness to do the stupid things that only come from seemingly boundless naiveté. 

My first year at Queen's was marked by my first time living separate from my parents, first time getting drunk, first time puking from drinking so much, first hangover, first binge drinking challenges, first time wandering the streets tipsy and falling with my friends but so happy, first time getting decked out for St. Patrick's, first time day drinking, first time clubbing. It was also marked by my first time pulling an all-nighter to finish papers, my first time drinking energy drinks, my first time falling asleep in lecture halls. It was marked by the first time I stayed up till 3 or 4 in the morning talking to some of my best friends. The first time I woke up for a sunrise, the first time I stayed up all night and saw the sun rise between my books. There were so many other firsts. I probably couldn't pick out all of them. It would take up too much of your time, dear reader.

These last four years have changed who I am indefinitely. Going to Queen's was stepping out of my comfort zone, and it was so entirely worth it. 

If I could tell someone just stepping into their first year, this is what I would say:

Challenge yourself, talk to new people, get drunk, get stupid, get uncomfortable, laugh, go watch the sunrise. Work hard, study, embrace the new concepts you are going to learn, be critical, ask questions, discuss the things you are learning, listen to people talk about things you don't understand, always be curious (about everything), ask questions. Accept education as a gift, accept the new people around you and their curiosity as a gift, accept this part of your life as a gift. Accept change. Have fun. Remember to laugh, but it's OK to cry. 

I'm surprised at how quickly four years have gone by. Some days, I wake up feeling like I am still in the top bunk of my metal frame bunk bed, a little hungover and confused by what happened last night. I swear I can still remember what it was like to be 17 and 18 in my first year of university. I remember the air smacked out of my chest when I drove into the ground for the slip-and-slide during Frosh Olympics. I remember the shaving cream and being told to "sizzle like bacon". I remember the plasticky pizza in Leonard cafeteria and the long line for noodles in Ban Righ cafeteria. I remember sitting in the Victoria Hall common room at 5AM, trying to craft a politics paper. I still remember all of these things as if it was a few days ago, but now I have a BAH in Political Studies with a minor in Philosophy from Queen's University. 

Included in the above are photos from my first year at Queen's University, including pictures with two of my best friends and my orientation ("frosh") group.

In Memory Of

I'm talking to my old roommate and I want to cry. I say to her, "It's weird thinking back to the last day on campus and knowing that I'll always go back to Queen's, but it won't be home anymore."

Back in April, I distinctly remember standing in front of Stauffer Library at Union and University, looking across the street to the John Deutsch University Centre. I thought to myself that I will never be back in that spot.

Kingston, Ontario, Canada is only a three hour drive from Toronto, Ontario, Canada, where I live now. Queen's University has a long homecoming tradition and a strong community. I will always go visit Queen's and Kingston. I will visit next year to see my friends who are still studying at Queen's, I will return later still to see Queen's again. It's not the last time. The visits will just be less frequent than every day, going to my classes or the library.

Queen's University and the time I spent there from ages 17 to 21 will always, always hold a special place in my heart and soul.

In March, I am sitting in my bedroom with a Queen's alumnus. He graduated two years ago. We met at a wine-and-cheese alumni event in Ottawa. I tell him that I'm terrified to be leaving Queen's - excited, but terrified. I tell him I will miss my friends and the moments we shared together. He told me that things will be OK, he said that sometimes visiting Queen's is even better than being there. I told him I loved my friends, I loved living with them and being able to pop into their houses at any time. Still, sitting in my bedroom now in Toronto, I hope the alumnus is right. Life will be OK, and Queen's will always be a pleasant visit in the future.

If not for Queen's, I don't know what kind of person I would be. I believe in nurture over nature, that we are a product of our environments.

I chose Queen's University and moved to Kingston, Ontario, Canada because at 17, I desperately wanted to run away. I didn't feel happy anymore. I wanted Queen's University to become a home I built by myself, for myself. And it did. I arrived at Queen's knowing four people - a guy friend from middle school and three other kids from my high school. I left Queen's having made some of my best friends and knowing some of the best people. I left Queen's having discovered more of myself, and more importantly, having found family.

A month before the typical return to Queen's, I miss it. I miss my friends, I miss the campus, I miss the professors. I miss Stauffer Library. I miss walking by the gym I never went to. I miss getting Booster Juice and Quiznos. I miss QP and weekend wings nights. Oh, and the sangria. There are so many details. I loved my time there. I can't believe I'm a Queen's alumnae.