Tattoo I

Last Saturday I got my first tattoo. It cost roughly $360, not including tip. And it was done by Jess Chen at Tattoo People. It was all line work, no colour. It's unlikely that I will ever get it coloured.

What is it? 
It's two peonies surrounded by some buds and leaves, spilling out of a rectangular box.

What does it mean?
The original sketch I made to show Jess included a line of poetry. 'The rose is without why.' 

The rose is without why
It blooms because it blooms
It cares not for itself
Asks not if it is seen

It is a poem by German poet, Angelus Silesius. I first discovered the poem as an art installation by French artist Boris Achour for Nuit Blanche in 2013. I fell in love with the words.

We are constantly bombarded with expectation and normalcy, complacency, society. There is so much we have to do, to such a specific degree and scale. I've always tried so hard to follow along. I don't know how successful I am in that mission, but I've always tried. I don't think I have ever sought difference although I'm sure I have always been a bit of an alien. A weirdo, out of place, an outsider.

I want to be reminded- I need to be reminded that sometimes difference is OK. Sometimes difference doesn't matter, because sometimes some things don't require an explanation. Things happen. I happen, life happens. We're so limited in what we can do to change the world, change ourselves, change our lives, the way people think of us, the way they think of themselves. And yet, we must keep doing, keep going, breathing. Life is. I am- without explanation or reason or the necessity of such. It is.

Peonies were chosen because they're my favourite flowers. The peony is the national flower of China. It's found in lots of traditional Chinese paintings as well as silk embroidery. It represents wealth, beauty, honour. Referred to as the "King of Flowers" or "Flower of Riches and Honour" on the Internet. Peonies bloom beautifully, but they look messy. Complicated. They're painted beautifully in Chinese paintings, a sort of simplicity and vibrancy in design and colour. But I think, in reality, they're such a full flower. So heavy, so lively, yet still fragile in the way that it can fall apart.

Did it hurt?
It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. It felt like how many people described it to me, like a cat scratch. Some parts were a little more painful than others. I could feel the difference between the thickness of each line. The thinner line of the rectangle felt different from the thicker lines of the peonies, which felt different from the even thinner lines that made up the "shading". The tattooing process wasn't bad at all. The noise of the gun was annoying, but less so as time went on. The feeling of the gun vibrating against skin also felt less unfamiliar as time went on. It was OK. Incredibly bearable.

However, the rest of my evening after the tattoo felt like a disaster. I felt incredibly, incredibly weak and got very sick. It was to the point where I still felt light headed through most of Sunday.

I thought I was prepared for my tattoo. I had a full meal before my appointment. I met a friend for lunch around noon. My appointment was at 2PM. Lunch included pasta and some protein. I didn't drink any alcohol or caffeine before my appointment. I was prepared in that I brought water, a large chocolate chip cookie and a can of Pringles with me to my appointment. I didn't eat much of the cookie or Pringles until my session was done. I think this was my mistake.

Towards the end of my session, my head started to feel very full and stuffy. It wasn't a light headed feeling, but something different. I finished up though. My tattoo got bandaged up. I didn't think it bled very much. After my appointment, my friend and I went to a coffee shop because we had some time to kill before meeting another friend for dinner. The headache started slowly over the next hour or so. It became a quiet pounding inside my head. Fast forward a few hours, I did manage to get through dinner with my two friends. We had sushi. I was later told that was a bad idea. After dinner, we were still sitting at the restaurant waiting for one of my friends to be picked up. I vomited. My head was pounding and I spent the rest of the night vomiting. I somehow managed to Uber back to my place, but I think I ended up vomiting at least 3 or 4 times that night.

My good friend Henrieta told me after that I should've had something sugary after my session. I should've had something warm, like broth for supper. I should've taken it easy. Probably should've slept after my session. She explained to me that the endorphins and adrenaline in my body shot up during the tattooing process. I needed sugar for the crash. My body did not handle stress or shock well.

How long did it take?
It took about an hour for the actual needle to skin. The whole experience took about two hours, two and a half hours for the stencilling, prepping the station, discussing the final details of the design, etc. The booking her took about six months.

Why'd you do it?
I've always admired tattoos. I've wanted a tattoo for years but never settled on a final design or concept. I like Jess's artwork. I want to be able to control some aspect of my physical body, which always feels like it is just beyond my control. I like the idea of art on my body. A canvas. And, why not? Why shouldn't you?  

Are you getting more?
Probably. Don't tell my mom though.