These are the final photos from the Disposable Project.
The flash on this camera broke and the camera could only be taken out in the sun. With so many things and so few things happening in the past year since these photos were taken (ASUS Formal 2015), photography and creativity have been sitting on the back burner. I haven't forgotten about my personal endeavours and the things I'm still very passionate about, but it's regrettable to say that I haven't been spending as much time as I should on these things.
If I am honest with myself, I don't think I'm happy. I'm not satisfied. I don't know where the self from a year ago thought I would be now, but I can't imagine that this is the place. I feel tired all the time, I feel overworked and suffocated. The exhaustion sinks so deeply that I feel little to no energy to pursue personal projects or creative projects. My life has become a sad routine. The happiness, the joy I feel is brief and far in between. I do not feel overwhelming joy, I do not feel like the bright eyed child I want to become. I am not living the way I want to be living, not achieving the things I want, the feelings and moments I want. I don't feel as if I am living at all.
They have this saying, something like- surviving instead of living, living to work instead of working to live. I don't want to just survive. I would never be happy with survival. My friends have always told me that I'm not someone meant to just survive. Too idealistic, too flighty to merely survive. Imagine the sick dread and disgust at the thought of survival.
Looking at the photos of yesteryear, thinking back to the moments I've had of pure happiness, excitement, ecstasy, I know something has to give. Something has to change. Those like us, we're not meant to live in cages, feet bound, cemented to the ground. Flighty creatures are meant to fly, meant to explore. Something has to give. So, it's time to start imagining a storm brewing.
Pictured above: Mishi, Sammy, Charlotte, Sarah, and myself.
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