A Lesson in Honesty II

This post was brought to my attention. I had completely forgotten about it. When I went back through this blog, I realized I had forgotten a lot of these things, these people.

This is me. The photo on the left - I just finished crying and probably cried again after I took the photo. Will called it quits. We sat in the park for over an hour. I knew it was coming when I saw him that day. I cried a lot. He cried. I didn't really understand what was happening or why it was happening. He was the first person to see me cry in so long. I'm still not clear on some parts of it. I am still moving on.

The photo on the right is a day in September. I think I was happy. I know I was stressed. I know things will be OK. I am struggling towards OK.

At this moment in time, things are so busy. They feel consuming. It is so close to the end, but it feels like we are so far from done. I hope things will be OK. Things always work themselves out.

Me

There is so little you know about me, about my life. 

You see the projections, the stories, the carefully crafted persona. The fun. The highlights. Bright smile, fabulous lifestyle. All that time she spends in coffee shops, in galleries, in nice restaurants, shopping, lounging.

Is reality still reality when so much of it becomes curated?

Things are not easy. Life is complicated. Sometimes it becomes almost too complicated. Every story has bad, unhappy, exhausting, irritating details. This is a detail from today, May 30th.

A Lesson in Honesty

My friend Hanna once writes about how we need to save these moments of vulnerability. I can't remember what she said anymore, but it was about how important it was to document our sadness, our frustration, our breaking down.

I never let people see me cry. I never cry in public. I don't like appearing vulnerable or weak. I have issues with being vulnerable and the concept of vulnerability in general. I'm not sure how I come off to others, but I'm not that open of a person. This was May 13th around 7pm; I was crying.